How To Neighbour – Are You Lonely? – Sermon

This is the final week of our How To Neighbour series where we are looking at some of the most pressing societal issues of our time. As we’ve returned to over and over again since we’ve been with you, Jesus gives us as His church the command to love one another.  To love through the cultural struggle with racism, to relate to and serve others who struggle with the burden of poverty, and now our third and final topic is one that Mother Teresa aligned with poverty, in a manner of speaking.  She said this: “The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.” 

From Stats Canada – Canadian Social Survey

More than 1 in 10 people aged 15 and older said that they always or often felt lonely when asked in the Canadian Social Survey for 2021.  Furthermore, the survey results revealed that those who were frequently lonely reported poorer mental health and lower levels of overall life satisfaction than those who were lonely less often.

This same report notes that women were more likely to report feeling lonely than men.  Overall, 15% of women aged 15 and older in Canada’s 10 provinces said they felt lonely always or often during that period, compared with 11% of men in the same age group.

Young people in Canada expressed experiencing loneliness more frequently than older people. Among youth aged 15 to 24 years, nearly 1 in 4 (23%) said they always or often felt lonely. And again, younger women appeared to be particularly afflicted by loneliness. Nearly twice the share of women aged 15 to 24 (29%) reported always or often being lonely compared with women in the next decade of life (16%). 

We wanted to make sure that we talked about loneliness in the context of neighbouring well because without social connections and supports, one’s health and overall well-being can suffer significantly.

Again, Statistics Canada reports that close to half (49%) of those who said that they always or often felt lonely reported that their mental health was either fair or poor. In comparison, among those who said that they rarely or never feel lonely, a much smaller share (7%) reported fair or poor mental health.

WHY ARE MORE OF US DEALING WITH EMOTIONAL POVERTY?

1) BREAK DOWN OF FAMILIES

Unfortunately, today Canadian Census data would tell us that approx. 1/3 of all children today come from a broken home. The Divorce rate in Canada is about 38%. There is a real breakdown of the family construct as we have known it in Canada. A breakdown that has been evolving for many years now. God made it pretty clear that families are important when he created Adam and Eve. The Holy Bible calls them “man and … wife” (Genesis 2:25), and the first commandment God gave them was to have children (see Genesis 1:28). God’s plan involves family.

2) INCREASED MOBILITY

Simply put – the world is a pretty small place these days – with the exception of the last 2 years of the pandemic, the world travels more and more and it relocates more and more. A family that we are fairly close too  had 1 of their children’s family relocate from Kingsville to Ireland recently. Mobility like that and our propensity to adopt it can create very lonely settings in a very short period of time for some people.

3) HEAVY WORKLOADS

As the world starts to return to the office or deal with the dramatic labour shortfall that exists in the marketplace today – some are finding themselves either isolated because of their workload or isolated because of the workload a family member has had to take on.

Psalm 127:1-2 

Unless the Lord builds the house,
    the builders labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
    the guards stand watch in vain.
² In vain you rise early
    and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
    for he grants sleep to those he loves.

In Psalm 127 Solomon deals with the one who cannot seem to stop or may not have an alternative to working more than they should. Focusing on our labor is vain because it violates a basic spiritual principle: 

God gives to those who have learned to rest in Him, not to those who strive in their own strength.

Even when seemingly, there is no choice, heavy workloads can often be a significant reason why the family unit breaks down.

4) RISE OF SOCIAL MEDIA

And finally, there is the impact of Social media. Social media capitalizes on isolation by “separating” us from friends, then making us want to check on what these friends are doing. When we see them living the ‘good’ life and we are not, that has real emotional impact. Unfortunately the data also tells us that this can become habit forming/addictive, so much so that for more and more people, connecting on social media creates more disconnection – sounds backwards doesn’t it??

Being on social media actually isolates us from our real-life networks.

Ok, so what do we do about the emotional poverty caused by loneliness today. Jesus Christ, as with all of life’s circumstances, provides yet another example for us…

HOW DO WE LOVE THE LONELY?

1) LOVE WITH TOUCH

Read Matthew 8:1 – 3

Jesus Heals a Man With Leprosy

¹ When Jesus came down from the mountainside, large crowds followed him. ²A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”

³ Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy.

I want you to see two things in this very brief interaction with Jesus.

Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man.  – Touch, the power of touch, in giving and receiving is incredibly important to Humans. Did you know there is an actual condition called ‘touch starvation’. It can be hard for someone to know if they are experiencing touch starvation. Most commonly, people will feel an overwhelming sensation of loneliness.

People may also experience:

• Stress,
• Anxiety,
• Feelings of depression,
• Low satisfaction,
• Difficulty sleeping,
• Fatigue.

Furthermore, people may exhibit behaviour trying to simulate touch. This could include taking long baths or showers, wrapping up in blankets, or cuddling a pet or cushion.

There are psychological complications:

The feelings of loneliness and isolation that accompany touch starvation are likely to result in adverse psychological complications. 

For example, a lack of physical contact may increase feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression.

Here’s the other thing that Jesus shows us in this interaction – do you see what His spoken response was to the man that had leprosy – I am willing he said. Jesus was willing to sidestep social norms and the criticism that would accompany his choice in order to show love to someone who likely new loneliness far beyond you or I.  

2) LOVE BY LISTENING

Jesus was willing to listen to understand another person’s perspective. The Lord honestly appreciated learning about people’s concerns, values, and spiritual condition. After resurrecting from the dead, Jesus approached two men walking along the road to Emmaus: 

Read Luke 24:17-20:

¹⁷ He asked them, “What are you discussing together as you walk along?”

They stood still, their faces downcast. ¹⁸ One of them, named Cleopas, asked him, “Are you the only one visiting Jerusalem who does not know the things that have happened there in these days?”

¹⁹ “What things?” he asked.

“About Jesus of Nazareth,” they replied. “He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed before God and all the people. ²⁰ The chief priests and our rulers handed him over to be sentenced to death, and they crucified him;

Jesus knew how to ask informative questions that allowed Him to find out what was really important to people. If you want to be good listener, learn to ask what, why, when, where and how type questions that allow people to explain things from their own level of understanding, and then, listen to them.

Jesus did not listen to people just to find something to criticize. The Lord listened to people with His eyes, ears and his whole mind. Christ took time to show people how important they were to Him by giving them His undivided attention. He was always present with them.

The Lord listened to people’s emotions, ideas, and problems. Jesus listened in a way that helped Him identify a person’s need. 

When Jesus’ mother said to her son,

“They have no more wine.” Jesus said,

“Dear woman, why do you involve me?” My time has not yet come. His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water… now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.” They did so and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine.

— John 2:3-9

Jesus listened not only for the words, but for the sense of urgency in the tone of people’s voices.

Here’s the other thing that Jesus modelled so well for us. Jesus was willing to put away negative feelings, grudges, hurts or misunderstandings to really hear what people were saying. The Samaritan woman at the well said,

“You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans)

Jesus risked being accused of becoming ceremonially unclean if he used a drinking vessel handled by a Samaritan, since the Jews held that all Samaritans were unclean.

Don’t miss this church! Jesus was willing to overlook even this deeply embedded cultural value for the sake of reconciling one human being to God.

3) LOVE WITH TIME

The Syrophoenician Woman, this woman was a Gentile.

She was in great distress due to the fact that her little daughter was possessed by an unclean spirit.

Jesus had gone to this region, perhaps as much as 50 miles away, beyond Israel’s borders, to seek some rest, intending to be unnoticed. But this woman finds out that Jesus is close-by and, no doubt aware of his previous miracles, goes to him and begs for healing for her daughter.

The Meeting: The woman appeals to Jesus “Have mercy on me, Lord, you son of David! My daughter is severely possessed by a demon!” indicating that she believed him to be the Jewish Messiah, despite her likely pagan religious background.

The woman appears to follow after Jesus but his response is to say nothing to the woman. His disciples however find her troublesome and urge Jesus to send her away. From Jesus’ reply it seems that they were suggesting that Jesus should grant her request so she would go away. Jesus says to the disciples “I wasn’t sent to anyone but the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” The remark, perhaps a mild rebuke, suggests that Jesus was saying he Has not come to heal anyone so they would go away, but he was come to seek the ‘lost sheep of the house of Israel’. Exactly what the disciples understood by this is not clear but it is interesting in this context that Jesus did not say ‘for Israel’ but rather for ‘the lost sheep’. Don’t miss that either!

Anyway, the woman now presses her request with worship and she cries out to Jesus “Lord, help me”. She has dropped the appeal to the Jewish Messiah and after receiving no reply from Jesus, now appeals to him as the universal Lord and Master of all.

Jesus’ reply appears harsh; “It is not appropriate to take the children’s bread and throw it to the dogs.” Now, I agree that sounds like a rather difficult response from Jesus. However understand that in this, Jesus is saying that the blessings of God are for his covenant people and not for everyone. One would think that the woman would be put off by this remark but she is determined to plead her case for her daughter and she knows that Jesus can heal the girl. Her answer is, “Yes, Lord. Yet even the dogs under the table eat the children’s crumbs.” She agrees with Jesus’ and using his own analogy claims that even the pet dogs in the house do have the food that falls down to the floor. 

Remarkably, she seems to understand that the privileged position of Israel was always intended to be a witness to God and a means whereby other nations could be blessed.

Her remarks indicate a great faith in Jesus as the Jewish Messiah but also as Lord of all. She knew that he was dealing with house of Israel and that she was outside that privileged position, but with determination believed in the possibility of blessings for those outside the covenant. Through the process, we see Jesus testing and drawing out her faith culminating in Jesus’ remark to her “Woman, great is your faith! Be it done to you even as you desire.” 

This woman, apparently outside of the Jewish faith, but professing faith in Jesus, did receive blessings fallen from Israel’s blessings. And in hindsight perhaps we can say that the woman received not just the crumbs but the bread itself as she was joined spiritually to the house of Israel. Joined to Jesus.

The woman’s request was granted and the demon left her daughter and she was healed.  This is just one example of how Jesus was well know for showing love by the use of His time.

WHAT IF YOU FEEL ALONE?

Do you perhaps find yourself asking questions like:

• Is anyone noticing me?
• Will anyone reach out to me?
• Do people really care?

In the middle of all these questions we can sometimes take our eyes away from the fact that our ongoing identity as Jesus followers is to participate in the body and build up others. 

The work of Jesus in my life means he gives me the grace to do my part in the body, no matter what is going on in my life. This grace means I can turn these questions around.

• Who do I notice?
• Who can I reach out to?
• Who needs me to care for them?

Because of my relationship with Jesus, even when I feel alone, I have an identity. The identity of Christ which lifts me out of my isolation and loneliness … and places me again into His family.

You are not here by accident – not one of you!

We care about you — Your Church family cares about you…if you’re watching or saying to yourself but I’m not part of this Church family – we want you to here that you are welcome here – You are cared about!

God cares about you—God loves you!
 So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

— Isaiah 41:10 NIV

Here’s one thing we need you to know, the bible says that Jesus endured unbelievable physical agony leading up to his crucifixion. As he hung on that cross he was mocked and spat at, clearly, it appears that he felt alone. In fact, doesn’t he say:

“My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” Why have you left me alone?? 

Could it be that for the first time ever, on that cross, Jesus was separated from the Father?? Let me be very clear with you about something, because you will sometimes hear people propose that God turned his back on Jesus – Jesus and God are one and the same – Jesus was not alone. Jesus was using a common teaching method of his time, “Remez,” used by every Rabbi, and understood by all Jews. Remez means “hint.” The Rabbis would say just the first line of a well-known scripture passage, and every Jew would immediately understand the context. Every Jew. Always.

And if you understand this, then you realize that Jesus does something remarkable on the cross: He uses Psalm 22 as a “Remez” to declare God Almighty’s perfect power, his perfect love, and his perfect and total control, even in the midst of what looks like a complete disaster.

His cry of “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” is the first line of Psalm 22. It is simply a Remez, alerting his followers to all the promises we see in the Psalm.

And to put an exclamation mark on Jesus’ Remez, the final line of Psalm 22 is:

They will proclaim his righteousness, declaring to a people yet unborn:
He has done it!

“He has done it!” This is the same language as Jesus’ last words recorded in John 19:30 “It is finished.”

In the throes of death, Jesus remarkably bookends this iconic Psalm to make it plain to everyone witnessing his death:

“My God has not forsaken me, and, death has not finished me. I have finished it!”

And then Jesus is “declaring to a people yet unborn,” to you and to me.

Your Heavenly Father will never forsake you, he will never abandon you. No matter the circumstances, no matter all the evidence to the contrary, your Heavenly Father is with you, he is for you, he loves you perfectly, and he is in total control. Amen!